I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say the last two weeks have been amongst the strangest of my life. It has been a period of excitement and exhilaration, since the musical I wrote with Andrew Perkins, The Birds, had its world premiere. At the same time, I have been experiencing deep grief at the loss of my step-mother. Her funeral ended up happening in parallel to the premiere. The two events collided in such a way that it was impossible to attend both.

Looking forward to The Birds

I wrote a post a few weeks back about how I accidentally wrote a musical. Thanks to the tireless efforts of composer Andrew Perkins, that re-telling of The Birds, by Aristophanes, was booked to have its world premiere at the end of May. Knowing this well in advance, I booked flights to New Zealand six months ago. It has been a bright spot on my calendar, something I have looked forward to for a long time.

There was some frantic rewriting once it was decided the premiere would be a shortened concert version. It was written as a two act play, with dancing and comedy, in line with how the ancient Greeks would have done it. I took out most of the dialogue and turned the action into narration. Since it was the world premiere, I thought it would be amazing to take on the role of narrator. With my background in acting, I wasn’t concerned or nervous. I just wanted to be part of the events, not just watching on the sidelines. This turned out to be a bittersweet experience.

A year of travel

My step-mother, Dee, has been ill for a long time. I won’t go into the full details of her illness, but we had seen a serious decline this year. She lived in Sydney, which meant it was difficult to visit – several hours of travel from where we are. I took my children to see her at the start of the year, concerned they might not get another chance once school started up. We had a special lunch together and the kids were able to give her big hugs. There are times that you just know time is running out, and the kids and my step-mother all had that sense, I think. So the farewells were underpinned by sadness.

Seeing how ill she was becoming, a few weeks ago I booked a flight to Sydney for the beginning of June. It meant I would only be back from Auckland for two days before heading off, but I really wanted that time with her. In the end it was time I didn’t get.

Long awaited news finally arrives

A week before my trip to New Zealand for the premiere of The Birds, I received the news. My step-mother had passed away. Grief is never easy, no matter whether you are prepared for it or not. It’s made complicated when you have something very exciting coming up. It’s very hard to hold such conflicting emotions at the same time. I had been looking forward to seeing The Birds take flight. But now, for every moment of excitement, there was a deep moment of sadness.

I knew instinctively the funeral would occur while I was away. There just wasn’t enough time to organise it before then. If it had been two days earlier, things might have been different. But it was scheduled for the day after our flight to Auckland.

Honestly, I never considered not going to the premiere. I don’t think Dee would have let me consider it. She was an actress by profession. She had a cultured, commanding voice. And in the split second when I realised I couldn’t do both, I heard her voice.

The show must go on.

Not a catch phrase. A command. There was no question in my mind. I would still be flying to New Zealand.

A joyous celebration

As is usual, not everything ran smoothly in the lead-up to the performance. Problems were ironed out swiftly though. Conductor Rita Paczian took charge and the chorus and musicians of Bach Musica NZ were unflappable (pun intended!). Everyone was a professional – they knew what to do and did it expertly. The night of the concert came, and the orchestra dove into the dramatic, majestic music of the preludium. The soloists were absolutely superb, Andrew’s magnificent tangos and plainchants played masterfully by the orchestra, and the bird chorus was exquisite.

I had known Dee would not be well enough to attend, but I had always held on to the thought that I would be able to give her a copy of the recording. Now, as the birds took flight, their beautiful voices soaring, I wished she could be there to hear it. But I knew there could be no more fitting tribute to her. Dee was such a pivotal influence on my creative life. She was the consummate actress, as well as a wonderful singer. To be involved in performing an ancient Greek play, with all its drama, and to hear it sung and played so wonderfully, made me feel very close to her. The tears would come later.